It was in my first year managing the browser engineering team at Prodigy when my boss pulled me aside after a team meeting. "Kelsey," she said, "you're assuming they understand this as well as you do."

I was confused. Of course they understood. I'd just spent twenty minutes walking through the project requirements step by step. I'd been thorough, methodical, even drew diagrams on the whiteboard.

"But look at their faces," she continued. "Half your team checked out around minute five. They're nodding along, but they're not following. You're explaining this like you would to yourself, not to people who are hearing it for the first time."

That stung. Not because she was wrong, but because she was so obviously right. I'd been so focused on being comprehensive that I'd completely missed the glazed looks, the polite nods, the lack of questions that should have been red flags. I thought I was being a thorough communicator. My team was experiencing something entirely different.

That moment taught me something uncomfortable: the things you most need to know about your leadership are usually the things you can't see yourself. And if you're waiting for annual reviews to figure out what those things are, you're already too late.

The Problem with Only Looking in Your Own Mirror

Most leadership development treats self-awareness like it's a solo sport, and that is far from the case. We're told to reflect, journal, take personality assessments. All useful, but it only gives you access to what you already know about yourself.

Real self-awareness requires understanding your blind spots — the behaviors and patterns that others see but you don't. Think about a small business owner who's genuinely puzzled about why his team seems disengaged during meetings. He sees himself as collaborative and inclusive. His team sees someone who dominates discussions and rarely pauses for input. Neither perspective is wrong, but the gap between them is costing the team's trust and performance.

This is where a tool like the Johari Window becomes incredibly useful. It shows us that expanding self-awareness demands active processes: sharing what you're struggling with, actively asking for feedback, and creating space for others to tell you what they observe. What makes this challenging is that it requires intentional discomfort. I have a suggested process for dealing with this discomfort and am even including some tips on how to use AI to help you through this process.

You Have to ASK and TELL to Move Beyond Your Blind Spots

The whole thing boils down to two simple but uncomfortable actions: ASK and TELL.

• ASK means actively seeking feedback about how others experience your behavior, communication style, and impact. This helps you discover blind spots— the things you can't see about yourself but are obvious to others.

• TELL means strategically sharing your own insights, struggles, and growth areas. This moves information from your private world into open dialogue, creating trust and inviting others to be more honest with you.

I'm not talking about casual coffee chats here. These are intentional, sometimes squirm-inducing conversations designed to show you what you can't see about yourself.

Four processes make this work:

• Self Discovery: Internal reflection and assessment to uncover your own patterns

• Self Disclosure: Sharing your struggles and growth areas to build trust and transparency

• Solicit Feedback: Actively seeking input about how others experience your behavior

• Outside Observation: Creating space for others to share honest observations about your impact

How AI Can Accelerate Your Self-Awareness Journey

Here's where this gets practical. While self-awareness requires human interaction, generative AI can help you prepare for these conversations, process feedback more objectively, and maintain consistency in your development efforts.

Think of generative AI as your development thinking partner, helping you structure difficult conversations, identify patterns in feedback, and plan your growth systematically. I've included specific prompts below that should work in ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, or whatever LLM you prefer to use.

1. Self Discovery: Getting Clear on Your Patterns

Before you can ask others for feedback, you need to understand what patterns you're already seeing in yourself. Here's how to use AI to structure that reflection:

AI Prompt for Personal Pattern Recognition:

ROLE: You are a reflective practice coach who helps leaders gain insight through structured self-examination.

CONTEXT: I want to better understand my [reaction patterns/decision-making style/communication habits] in challenging situations. I've noticed that I tend to [specific behavior you've observed] when [specific triggers or circumstances].

TASK: Guide me through a reflective analysis to uncover deeper patterns and potential blind spots.

DETAILS TO ANALYZE:
- [Recent situation where this pattern showed up]
- [Your emotional state during these situations]
- [What you were trying to achieve]
- [How others seemed to respond]

OUTPUT FORMAT: Provide a structured reflection that includes:
1. Pattern identification questions that help me see connections
2. Root cause analysis prompts to understand why this happens
3. Impact assessment questions about how this affects others
4. Self-awareness gaps this might reveal
5. Specific areas where I should seek external feedback

2. Self Disclosure: Strategic Vulnerability

Once you understand your patterns, you need to share them strategically. This builds trust and gives others permission to be honest with you. But there's an art to this—you want to show vulnerability without appearing weak or uncertain.

AI Prompt for Crafting Development Conversations:

ROLE: You are a leadership development expert who helps executives build trust through strategic vulnerability.

CONTEXT: I want to share a growth area with my [team/colleague/supervisor] to model learning and invite honest feedback about [specific leadership challenge]. This needs to build trust without undermining confidence in my capabilities.

CHALLENGE I'M WORKING ON: [Specific area like "I sometimes interrupt others when I get excited about ideas" or "I tend to dive into details rather than focusing on strategic direction"]

TASK: Help me craft a 2-3 minute disclosure that builds trust and invites feedback.

OUTPUT FORMAT: A conversational script that includes:
1. Acknowledgment of the growth area without over-apologizing
2. Context about why I'm working on this
3. Specific invitation for feedback
4. Clear boundaries about the type of input that would be helpful

3. Solicit Feedback: Asking Questions That Actually Work

This is where most people get stuck. How do you ask for feedback in a way that gets you honest, useful information instead of polite platitudes?

AI Prompt for Blind Spot Discovery:

ROLE: You are an executive coach specializing in 360-degree feedback and blind spot identification.

CONTEXT: I'm preparing to have feedback conversations with [colleagues/direct reports/supervisor] to understand how my [communication style/leadership approach/decision-making] impacts others. I want to discover blind spots I can't see myself.

TARGET AREA: [Specific leadership behavior or skill you want feedback on]
RELATIONSHIP: [Nature of relationship with feedback provider]
RECENT CONTEXT: [Specific projects or situations they've observed]

TASK: Generate 8-10 specific, non-threatening questions that will help me discover blind spots about this area.

OUTPUT FORMAT: Questions organized by:
1. Opening questions that feel safe and specific
2. Deeper inquiry questions that reveal blind spots
3. Follow-up prompts to understand impact
4. Closing questions that invite ongoing feedback

4. Outside Observation: Making Sense of What You Learn

After you gather feedback, you need to identify patterns and translate insights into action. This is where AI becomes particularly helpful—it can help you process emotional feedback objectively.

AI Prompt for Feedback Analysis:

ROLE: You are a data analyst and executive coach who helps leaders find patterns in qualitative feedback and translate insights into development actions.

CONTEXT: I've received feedback from multiple sources about [leadership area]. I want to identify themes, understand potential blind spots, and create a development plan.

FEEDBACK RECEIVED:
[Paste the actual feedback you've received from different sources]

TASK: Analyze this feedback to identify patterns and recommend specific development actions.

OUTPUT FORMAT: A comprehensive analysis that includes:
1. Top 3 themes with supporting evidence from the feedback
2. Potential blind spots this feedback reveals
3. Root cause analysis of why these patterns might exist
4. Specific behavioral changes to experiment with
5. Ways to measure progress and continue learning

Stop Waiting for Feedback - Start Creating It

This process works, but in order to maximize your results you should focus on three behaviors:

• Don't wait for annual reviews to understand your impact. Create regular touch points for feedback—monthly check-ins, post-project debriefs, even quick "how did that land?" questions after difficult conversations.

• Strategically share vulnerabilities to invite honest input. Model the openness you want from others. Not in a therapy session way, but in a "here's what I'm working on" way that makes it safe for others to be real.

• Actively work to move unknown behaviors into conscious awareness through systematic inquiry. Don’t just reflect— investigate.

I have to admit, I still need to work on this at times. Recently, I caught myself doing that thing where you finish explaining something complex and ask "Any questions?" Then I wondered why everyone just stared back at me. Turns out Dan Pink was right—when you ask "Any questions?" you're basically inviting people to publicly announce that they're confused or uninformed. Not exactly encouraging. A better approach? Something like "That was probably a little confusing—should I dig in more?" Now you're giving them permission to be human instead of making them admit they don't get it.

Start Here and Build Momentum

Start with one area where you suspect you have blind spots. Here's your step-by-step approach:

1. Use the Self Discovery prompt to structure your own reflection and identify specific patterns to explore. Spend 30 minutes really digging into a recent situation where you felt like something was off.

2. Choose one trusted colleague and use the Self Disclosure prompt to prepare a vulnerability-based conversation. Start with someone who already has goodwill toward you.

3. Apply the Solicit Feedback prompt to design specific questions for understanding your impact. Make them situation-specific and behavioral, not abstract.

4. After gathering feedback, use the Analysis prompt to identify themes and create a development plan. This is where the real work begins.

The AI becomes particularly powerful here because it helps you practice difficult conversations, process emotional feedback objectively, and maintain consistency in your development efforts. But remember—the prompts aren't meant to replace human connection. They're meant to help you prepare for more meaningful conversations about growth.

What makes this approach powerful isn't just the immediate insights you'll gain. It's the culture of feedback and growth you'll create around yourself. When leaders model this kind of intentional development, it gives everyone permission to be more honest about their own growth edges.

The uncomfortable truth I started with becomes a competitive advantage. When you can see your blind spots clearly, you can address them before they derail important relationships or decisions. When you can't see them, they compound silently until they become much bigger problems.

Your biggest growth opportunity might be something you can't see yet. But with the right process and tools, it doesn't have to stay invisible for long.

I

The 15-Minute Pattern Audit: Before asking anyone for feedback, spend 15 minutes writing down a recent situation where something felt "off" but you couldn't put your finger on why. Use the Self Discovery prompt to analyze your emotional state, intended outcomes, and others' reactions. This reveals specific blind spots to explore rather than fishing for generic feedback.

II

The "One Trusted Person" Approach: Start your feedback practice with someone who already has goodwill toward you. Use the Self Disclosure prompt to prepare a 3-minute conversation about one growth area you're working on. This builds your vulnerability muscle in a safe environment before expanding to more challenging relationships.

III

The Post-Meeting Check-in: After important conversations or presentations, replace "Any questions?" with "What part of that was confusing?" or "What should I have explained differently?" This small change gives people permission to be human instead of making them admit they don't understand.

I

"What would someone who works closely with me say is my biggest blind spot right now?" This question forces you to step outside your own perspective and consider what patterns others might be seeing that you're missing. It often reveals the gap between your intentions and your impact.

II

"If I could only ask one person for feedback about my leadership, who would give me the most honest and useful perspective—and why haven't I asked them yet?" This identifies both your best feedback source and the resistance you have to seeking uncomfortable truths about yourself.

The most successful leaders don't have fewer blind spots—they have better systems for discovering them. When you can see your impact clearly, you can address problems before they become crises and build trust through the process of growth itself.