Context Over Control

We hear a lot from management and leadership experts about letting go and empowering others, but rarely do we learn what providing that type of freedom means in a practical sense. Giving employees, players, or anyone the freedom to act on their own requires context.

Your Coach Should Give You Context

My oldest daughter was eavesdropping again.

She’d overheard a conversation I was having with a friend about managing personalities in her company as it shifted from startup to growth stage. My kids were around for a lot of these types of conversations about startups and working in startups because we were always in between dance, basketball or some other school activity that kept us on the go. Because of this access they’ve learned a lot of my “common phrases.” After I hung up with my friend, my daughter asked me about context over control.

“Do you actually know what that means?” I asked.

“Not really.”

Perfect. Teaching moment.

“Your coach probably tells you things like ‘Act like adults’ and ‘I’m giving you the freedom to make a choice.'”

She responded, “Yes, she does that.”

I continued, “But has your coach ever told you to be somewhere at a specific time but didn’t tell you why or what you’d be doing?”

“Yes,” she said, then grinned. “And you do that sometimes too.”

“That’s not the point. Don’t mess up my lesson.” I laughed. “How does it make you and your teammates feel?”

“We don’t like it. She could just tell us what we’re doing and why.”

“That’s control,” I said. “Context would be telling you why you’ll be there, what you’ll accomplish, and how it impacts the whole team. That way you show up with the right mindset. Sometimes coaches and managers use rules when explanation would work better, especially if they’ve already created an environment where empowerment is the expectation. They try to control the ‘what’ when providing the ‘why’ would get better results.”

The Tough Part About Being a Coach or a Manager

This is what we don’t hear about from everyone who talks about empowerment. That flexibility that comes from providing context instead of commands? It attracts two types of people: those who thrive with autonomy and those who see opportunity in ambiguity. The second group will destroy everything you’re building. You need to provide proper context to manage this.

I’ve watched brilliant individual contributors poison entire teams because they couldn’t align with the collective vision. They heard “empowerment” and translated it to “do whatever I want as long as I perform.”

Context over control solves this problem because it frames the freedom so that it can’t be interpreted as “do whatever I want.”

Great performers who don’t align with the team have to go. Even if they’re your best player. Especially if they’re your best player. Because context-based leadership isn’t soft. It’s the hardest form of management there is.

Why We’re Addicted to Control

Most of us have been immersed in control mythology since our first job. “Control your costs.” “Control your team.” “Control the narrative.” “Control the outcome.”

Here’s what actually happens when you try to control everything: you become the bottleneck for every decision. Your team stops thinking and starts waiting for instructions. Innovation dies because creativity requires permission. The best people leave for places that treat them like adults. You exhaust yourself micromanaging while nothing actually improves.

I learned this the expensive way. When I joined a new company, the CEO pushed a control-heavy approach: detailed specifications, daily check-ins, approval chains for everything. It went against my instincts, but I went along with it. Know what we got? Exactly what we asked for. Nothing more. Zero innovation. Frustration. Mediocre products. It wasn’t until I shifted into my natural style, providing context instead of directives, that things started to actually work.

The irony that nearly killed us: you have far more control when you let it go.

Control requires constant monitoring. Context encourages constant growth.

Here’s the nuance: you still need controls. Budgets, deadlines, quality standards, legal requirements — those stay. The shift is how you manage people within those constraints. Control the things. Provide context for the people.

What Context-Based Standards Actually Look Like

This is where it gets demanding. Context-based leadership requires ruthless clarity about non-negotiables. Not rules for rules’ sake, but the absolute boundaries that define who you are as a team. It requires immediate confrontation of misalignment. The moment someone interprets “context” as “optional,” you address it. Not tomorrow. Now. And consistent reinforcement of why the context matters. Not once at onboarding. Every week.

You have to be harder on standards than you’ve ever been, so you can be softer on methods than you’ve ever imagined.

What Changes When It Works

Try this with your team. Instead of “Here’s what we’re doing this quarter,” try “Here’s the problem we’re solving, why it matters, and what success looks like. How should we attack it?”

Then shut up.

The first time, they’ll wait for you to fill the silence with instructions. Don’t. The second time, someone will tentatively offer an idea. The third time, they’ll start debating approaches. By the fifth time, they won’t need you in the room.

That’s not loss of control. That’s multiplication of capability.

People don’t resist direction. They resist absence of meaning. When you provide real context, you’re not giving up control. You’re creating conditions where control becomes unnecessary because everyone’s rowing in the same direction by choice.

My daughter now uses “context over control” with her younger siblings. “I need you to clean your room because grandma’s coming and she always checks your room first, and if it’s messy she lectures me about teaching responsibility.” Apparently it works. Her siblings clean their rooms better with context than they ever did with commands. Sometimes the best management lessons come from middle schoolers who actually listen when you’re on the phone.